Jane is in constant motion toward an understanding, forever trying to find it, but she’s blind to the destructive actions of her search. Her constant need for intense emotion set her up for unhealthy relationships with alcohol, men, and risky, impulsive behaviour, without any regard for consequences.
But here lies a very important observation: those tendencies are not causes, they are not something to ‘treat’, but surface cracks that indicate a much deeper unrest simmering. There are two parts to her predilection for all things addictive; Jane has a high-threshold for pleasure, she needs to feel more of it to feel the hit, and she needs it more often, she’s just geared that way and secondly, there’s a bit of cheap and quick respite in there. But beneath how the problem presents is a clouded woman with no idea what to make of her life exasperating it all.
But those behaviours become a pattern that is addictive is itself adding another fight to the mix. Also to contend is her mind, left unoccupied it’s dangerous for Jane. She needs constant mental stimulation, or the wrong ideas about what to do with her time begin to shout. Everyday, they call her, and it’s either a fight to resist or derailment afterwards. Whatever Jane does to counter her tendency must be strong enough to replace it. It must deliver the intensity she craves or she risks engaging in far worse as the calls accumulate.
This inner war damages her soul and leaves her exhausted. She’s part way to understanding this, knows there’s something different about this, but the information out there is simplistic and shallow. The pure addict has far more loyalty to his addiction. Jane can turn a switch instantly, as long as it feeds her need for intensity.
Part 2: Why can’t she just stop?
Jane’s smart, she knows this, yet can’t use it. Why does she choose to remain misdirected? In the past, Jane sought help for addiction and received deplorable opinions. For hours she sat listening to the advice of experts, pathetic in their attempts to provide insight. Intolerable, time wasted.
The medical authority, and still, even the psychiatric community who should know better (well intentioned but the prestige breeds arrogance), don’t appreciate the addict who uses versus the norm who is used.
The higher parts of her brain are running Jane’s show, commanding her actions, and she needs to see this. It’s relentless, sharp, and reliable. She can’t just stop for nothing, she needs the intensity, but needs to return her control first, to be able to pull back, not go so far. Her powerful mind, can set this up for her but at the moment it’s misunderstood and is undoing her.
In every regard, Jane is completely and utterly alone.