We know this, the condition is always looming just behind us and we trip both in treatment and not. Forever, the condition has been like a veil thinly but definitely there.
The common assumption about a condition/s is:
- that it is fixed, deal you a horrible reality, and steal the life you should and could have.
They certainly infect and destroy how you see and present yourself, how others see you, the decisions you make, the opportunities you have, so it’s true and logical to an extent. It would be easier for everyone if they didn’t exist. Any attempt to confront and manage them involves a shift in beliefs and an extensive rebuild of the life you know.
Conditions like anxiety, depression, autism, OCD, social phobia rarely have positive outcomes, in spite of all the help, ideas, support, education, and research that surrounds them. Why?
The problem is that all the therapy starts from the wrong place. It looks at the condition and how it sets people apart, how they lack what the normal Other has and what they need to catch up.
It makes sense that the conventional approach focuses on understanding the condition and how the person can mix in the normal world and tries to relieve the distress it creates, but it fails to reverse and offer a better life because it doesn’t deal with the root of the problem.
Do you feel like this?
- Tormented, scared, and confused
- Struggling to know who you are and what you should do
- Upholding a life that doesn’t fit you and that you don’t want anyway
- Know you’d be brilliant and thriving if ‘something’ wasn’t hindering you
If so, you might sense that there is a different way to think about and approach social and emotional conditions but haven’t found it.
Consider these three parts:
- Your beliefs about the condition, what you lack, your deficiencies, and how your capabilities stack up against it all influences your thoughts
- How you think about how you are changed fuels the panic, over the top, irrational response, and masks the real problem
- The you underneath is dual sided, the main problem and the mightiest of defences
You know this:
Your mind is fundamentally strong, just idle. Same with your will, intellect, and potential all alive and breathing, but feeling latent, stuck, and stagnant. Misunderstanding and the wrong response fosters the condition’s growth in you, it’s not this inevitable phenomenon with its own organic roots, it isn’t you, it has been allowed to infiltrate.
Challenge Conventional Therapy
- The approach is usually to find what you tick in the condition, the symptoms you have and work from there. You don’t focus on where it’s taken hold, you go with how it hasn’t, and build from there. If you line up with the condition that’s the life you’re going to get. What you hate and distrust about yourself are your pieces that have been hit by it, that’s a horrible way to work, and besides there’s nothing there. Find how you’re different to it and some strengths and follow that line.
- There’s an overarching assumption that you need therapy because you aren’t capable of solving the problems conditions create. You are in effect saying you are weaker and less capable than the condition, that you are taken.
- Conventional therapy transfers the power to someone else and assumes they have the competency to grasp, decode, and transform your thoughts in a way that’s meaningful, helpful, and healthy. The potential for error is obvious.
- You can’t always spot an incompetent professional, people with poor -training and -experience can speak well, and they won’t let on (or even know). Ignorance results in far greater consequences, i.e. your life, than wasted resource.
Upset The Framework
If you are bent on seeing the condition it will become your frame of reference and taint everything you see and experience. It will surround you like the air you breathe and create a more painful, difficult life, it becomes heart-breakingly sad when you realise it never had to be that way.
Recognise the Real Problem
Many of the people I work with developed a false identity in adolescence to improve their chances of breaking in and belonging. They thought life would improve but instead disastrous hit harder and more frequently.
Problems can exist and either be controlled or exacerbated. We can’t know how a condition might of gone had our lives been different. But upholding a fake life without the ally of your real self is incredibly stressful, eventually the house of cards collapses.
We accuse the condition because it’s easy to. Its consequences in our everyday lives is obvious. The way it affects others is clear. But we do not know that it’s been allowed to spread. Focusing on it as the culprit covers the root, gives a scapegoat, and steals our power. Smart people with conditions know this well but they can’t enact change. That’s the main problem, unveiled. It’s also the defence.
The problem isn’t the condition and it’s not about finding direction, meaning, or purpose in life. None what’s outside of you matters. It’s you not being you. We think the thorn and voids all these other things and forever chase that which essentially leads to nothing.
Ask yourself who you really are. If you don’t know because you can’t see beneath the facade of who you pretend to be, this is your starting point. The question creates the initial awareness you need to uncover the problem and find the solution.
Similarly, if you feel detached from your life, foggy, unfamiliar, and repulsed by how you appear but with a deep sense of malaise, then you have the second piece you need. You can cross the threshold.