Know who you are, what you're here to do, and how to do it
At RYT, I offer workshops and one-on-one consulting for women who are very different to who they're being. I help them make who they are their reality. I'm located in Melbourne, Australia, but am available to clients all over the world.
Hold within them two different versions of themselves, who they are and who they’re being. The distinction between the two is sharp and one they fight to uphold. Staying as who they’re being is not acceptable but they cannot get from her to who they are. The feeling of being prevented, locked out, and lost is palpable.
The divide painfully corrodes us and we try vehemently to escape it. Constantly and desperately but can’t. Yet they’re smart women, potential pulsing their body. Why aren’t they who and what they should be? Mistreatment and misfortune can deny parts of us forever and hurt extensively but, still, the chief culprit is degrading thought. Cruel messages to yourself will steal your life.
We all have a self-protective part that remembers our past foils and warns us against further ventures to pre-empt hurt. Using criticism and self-defeating talk it prompts us to hold back. The cost of predicting we’d fail is obvious but there’s a tragic theme. Those who have had fewer breaks in life listen hardest. If never questioned or resisted it, in effect, alone decides the size of your life.
When we look at what we can’t do we miss what we can. People whose minds run differently know this perfectly well. We are not quite the same, and we can’t make ourselves the same. We only really see how we are different and what we lack. We try relentlessly, to breakthrough to where we want to be but, puzzlingly, stay nothing. This, of course, defines our lives and becomes deeply personal.
Some of us dealt with this by manufacturing a new persona for ourselves early. Who and what we are deep down is in fact “in”, not “out”, but we can’t get there. With little reason or proof, we hedge our bets and believe that being someone else can get us “in”. But playing a character doesn’t appease who you are inside or propel you to who you should be, so you scream to exist and start your life.
But how do you get out from the one you’re in, the wrong, foreign life you’ve fallen into, to yours? The inexorable pull to find and be yourself creschends and torments. There’s pain in being someone different to who you are.
We continue to try to find our way through and correct, but do not do well. Confused, we look for something to do with our lives to break it open, to give us someone to be. But of course, there’s little chance that changing our lives will take us to who we are and we fail. Each time our knowing of ourselves fades and, in the spirit of self-fulfilling prophecies, our wide net of cruel belief — sets us up for more.
We are fighting two lead offenders, the first is the searching, believing the pain will dissolve when you find someone else to be, and the second is thinking you can’t claim a stake in the world. Clouded with pain and desperation, we hold to what we can’t do and, in a vicious cycle, the reality that results from this thinking confirms our fears about ourselves. We stand far enough apart from our current lives to let it pass without effort or involvement waiting for when our real one starts.
This sets up the heartbreaking triad; a broken woman who tries to muster the inner strength from the person she denied to break her social and economic chains but can’t. She has no native strength. She can’t fight back. There’s no real person to her exterior and, foolishly, her false self and life have been her only concern. With misled focus she has so ardently applied her imagined shortcomings to every piece of her that she’s handed herself over to them. Now she is defined by her false self and life.
And so we are, with a failed life, a pale version of ourselves, and no real understanding of who we are and what we want. With clear heartache within and outside of us, knowing we have never really lived, we realise our time is going, and that we don’t know what else to do. We can see no way out.
In so many ways, we decide who and what we are, and what we will be and can do, and then choose to live by it. Think about it: if we know we are able to be otherwise but can’t or won’t be that way, why? There’s likely no more of a physical stop working against you than anyone else, no actual barrier.
If what you want is real and possible but you think you can’t get to it, that’s entirely the problem. I believe this links back to what you think about and can see for yourself. Our thinking can be cruel and corrupt.
I’ve always known my mind ran differently — darker and more unusual than most — and I always hated it. I wanted so much to be a normal girl but couldn’t. I was nothing and at a distance. I was very clear on what I wanted and what I was lacking, but I couldn’t cultivate or conjure it. I couldn’t pinpoint how I was different — just that I was.
When I was younger, wanting to stop being excluded, dismissed, and ignored, I started to pretend more who I was in an attempt to break “in” to where I wanted to be in another way. I would style myself and I think what I did was create an interface; a different version of me that I thought would work. Unintentionally, I went too far and, over time, essentially fully became this version of myself and lost who I was deep down.
My life was messy then in a childish way and only grew worse. Over the next 25 plus years pain, emptiness, confusion, and disappointment hallmarked my life. But when I could see my daughters taking the same path, I panicked and saw a sordid picture. I could see the flaws in their thinking and the fault in mine. I realised that what had happened to me could easily happen to them.
My life didn’t work in this shielded persona because the person in it was denied. I was trying to take the heartache away by fixing my life, but I didn’t own it anymore. It wasn’t mine — it belonged to my false self. I couldn’t be okay when who I was had been left and lost 30 years back.
Fixing your life, behaviour, or taking on identities won’t solve a thing. You have to return to who you are and fix with her.
If you identify with what I share check out my YouTube channel, download my checklist, or attend one of my workshops and find out who you are. It’s all free.
I am not a medical professional, therapist, or any other type of licensed health practitioner but I can lead you through the same process I followed to identify myself, unload a tonne of torment, and start my life.
Click here to read more about working with me.